Last week I shared the idea of a "rainy day" closet - a reminder that our kids aren't the only ones who could use a fun activity to turn things around sometimes.
I in NO WAY want to suggest that's the solution to centuries of patriarchal oppression, 2 years of a pandemic, and a culture that still has no appreciation for women or caregiving.
I actively reject the idea that if we could only get 8 hours of sleep, eat healthy meals, drink water, and take time for ourselves we'd be ok.
It's not enough.
I was recently listening to this incredible podcast and early on in the episode Martha Beck says:
Culture is just consensus.
The simplicity of it made my jaw drop.
I'm definitely not in consensus with our culture at the moment.
She continues a moment later:
...When you get bewildered by the culture, you have to be wilder than that. If there's no path laid out for you, that works for you, you have to stop coming to consensus and start coming to your senses. Being here now, opening your eyes and ears, and all your other perceptual apparatus and really seeing, also opening your intuition to whatever inspiration tells you about what to do next.
Over the last 6+ years of being a mom, my world has been rocked by how abandoned we are by our culture. By how little we are valued. How so many mothers are completely overwhelmed by guilt and shame and anxiety despite being incredible human beings who are raising kind, caring, compassionate children.
And that was even before the pandemic.
It's why we gather women together to unmask the culture that we're so steeped in that we don't even notice it. Until we do.
We're coming to our senses.
We are also exhausted.
We are carrying the burden of the responsibility of raising the next generation while doing it completely unsupported by our culture.
This shit is hard.
I want to remind you that it's not your fault, that no amount of self-care will undo the oppression of living in a patriarchal society in a pandemic.
Things have to change.
And opening our eyes to it is the first step. It happens when we come together.
When we come together and share deeply we realize that we are not alone. We recognize that so much of our suffering is because of our culture, not because of personal deficits, or not trying hard enough.
Instead of constantly trying to change ourselves, together we can change the system that doesn't value motherhood.
I hope you'll come together with us.
We have a few spaces left in Motherhood: Redefined where we value interdependence over independence. Join us to redefine motherhood for yourself and your family in a welcoming and inclusive space. We will be real, creative, and messy as we gather to explore what motherhood means to us.
If you're newer to motherhood join us for a Mamas Circle or Motherhood Circle for moms of 3-12 month olds.
Looking for another type of circle? Please share here or send me a message and we'll do our best to make it happen.
Save the date for our community playdate coming up on Saturday, April 2 to benefit Mamatoto Village's capital campaign as they create a space in which Black womxn are empowered and provided with the resources and community they need to thrive as mothers, caregivers, and professionals. More information on that later this week!
Self-care will not be enough. But community-care is a next step I hope you'll join us for.
Thoughts on pregnancy, birth and motherhood.