A dear friend recently told me a story about how her partner asked what she wanted for dinner and, after taking in her blank (and subtly annoyed) expression, said, "your decider is broken, isn't it?"
I'm sure I don't need to explain this to you. Because you also make literally thousands of decisions every single day. And the feeling of decision fatigue is SO HEAVY these days that choosing what to eat can feel like an insurmountable task.
If you'd like some solutions, a simple google search for "decision fatigue" results in about 108,000,000 results. But that's not why I'm writing this today. I'm writing to say what I said to my friend:
That sounds really hard. I totally get it.
Because sometimes, we don't want solutions. We want commiseration, support, and empathy.
My friend had an awful month at work, kids just out of quarantine because of covid exposure, a recent visit from her in-laws, and she just needed someone to say: I've got you.
It's something we talk a lot about in our circles - how often when we bring up a parenting challenge with our friends, partners, or family members, they want to "fix" it. They want to provide an answer to help make us feel better.
But often, we just want to be listened to. We want to be heard, understood, and cared for.
So if you're feeling like your decider is broken, or some other aspect of your life is weighing on you heavily, try reaching out to someone you trust and start out like this:
"I'd love for you to just listen. I don't really want advice or suggestions, but there's something I want to talk about."
It may be hard to ask for, as it's often hard to practice ourselves when a friend comes to us with a struggle. But it's worth a try if what you're seeking is support & care instead of solutions.
Need a little more guidance before diving in? Here's a great article with more practical tips (for when that person inevitably jumps in with their ideas!).
Is your decider broken? Anything else you'd like to commiserate on this week? We're here for you!
Thoughts on pregnancy, birth and motherhood.